Yesterday (monday) I had an operation, but I'll leave the details out. In short: it hurts like hell.

I can't do anything for this whole week, and that sucks because it's my vacation. Fortunally I have awsome friends, who viset and support me in every way. I'm really thankful I have them as my good friends. They're great.

Unfortunally I can't stop thinking about the pain, I guess because it's always there. I'm watching all day Friends. That rocks and it seems as if time goes faster, but still I feel the pain.

I really don't like it to think about myself so much. But in this situation I can't do anything else. It hurts so bad, but I hate to look selfish. I really don't mean to. Also it's my first operation ever, so I didn't know what to expect.

Now I feel like I've talked too much about myself. But I don't have some kind of story or anything else to talk or think about, so this is what I'm writing. However, I think I'm going to put my laptop down, because it isn't that comfortable, sitting with a laptop on your lap, plus having pain and stuff.

Bye,

Ing

So, I know I didn't write here for a long time, but I was really busy. Doesn't matter I guess.

I thought last night about when a person lies. I mean, if you have a secret for someone, and that person asks that question where the anwser is your secret, than what is the best thing you can do? Should you lie, because you can't tell him/her, or should you just tell it?

Maybe the best thing in this situation is to lie. Or maybe not? I never lie! So why should I lie this time?

Dilemma

Kiss,

Ing

Tomorrow it's valentine's day. I really hate it. And not just because I don't have a boyfriend, and not just because I want a boyfriend, and not just because I expect gifts and stuff. Just because it's pathetic.

I'll tell you why I think it's pathetic. You see... when you have a partner, you know how much you love eachother. You can let your partner know, every single day of the year. Not just on 14th february.

I think it's a waste of your money to buy gifts or cards or something. Maybe when you have a secret admirer it's fun to know and stuff... But when you're in a relationship I think it's bullshit to do something that day.

...

Kiss,

Ing

Today I talked to my best friend Bas about my blog. He will read it every time I ask him to. He's always very honest about it, and I really apreciate that.

But today he said that I should use the word 'wondering' less. So, I'm gonna do that. Because of him. However.. I think that it doesn't matter, but just so you know: I'm not gonna use the word 'wondering' anymore.

I guess that it makes him really happy ;). Doesn't it honey?

Love,

Ing

I know I didn't write for a while (like 5 days or something), but I was kind of busy with school and stuff. So that's what I did the last 5 days. Nothing interesting to tell actually about that...

And again I wondered about things in live. This time it was about personal problems. Sometimes when nothing goes right or nothing goes the way you want it to go, it feels like your world is tearing down. I guess everybody knows that feeling.

When we have personal problems, everything is bigger than it seems. Everybody is mean, everybody sucks, nobody cares ect. ect. You start to get angry at your friend and family. But they (maybe) don't know what's really going on in your life. It may be more than they think and they start to think: "what the fuck did I do wrong?"

That's why I think it's good to talk to people about the things that bother you. Because if you have a break down, they know it's not falling out of the sky.

Most people with a personal problem, take things you say in a different way that you mean it. For instant: today there was a 'friend' of mine, and he had a problem that made him feel sad. So I asked "what's going on?". Maybe I could help him, you know? But unfortunally he didn't say what was bothering him. He got really mad at me (for other reasons too, but that wasn't the issue at that moment). That made me feel like shit, because I thought I was doing the right thing. Maybe not huh?

Now I was the person who thought: "what the fuck did I do wrong?". That's the shitty thing here (what I mentioned before). The people with personal problems take things in a different (negative) way. And you can get a fight or something. Conclusion: that sucks

Things on your mind

Bye,

Ing

Woohoo! Back at home! I did my homework (how great is that), I did the things I had to do, so I'm done for today. Now I can relax :D I LOVVVVVEE relaxing ;) lol

So I sat in the train, and what do you know? I was wondering again. This time about 'the fake world'. There's a part in this world that is so fake, but some people just don't see it (fortunally most of them do).

I think it's like this (for example): 'beauty' isn't real, you think that 'beauty' is what you see on television, in magazines, on posters etc etc. And about the tv, everything that you see can be fake! Most of the time it is fake. Espacially; the fake people.

What you see on tv and in magazines is not what real people look like (you knew that right;)). Of course YOU know that, but what about the kids? They see that fake people every day on tv. What do they think? What a dissapointment if they see the real people (half) naked! You get my point? ;)

Not only the other real people, but of course you think about yourself that you are different than 'normal' people. Thank god that's not true. You (as a child) are normal, but the people on tv are fake as hell! Why don't they just show normal people on that damn tv? Like in the commercials, that's the most fake tv there is (but everybody knows that right?).

Can't they just make it real? Poor little children :P


lol :)

Bye,

Ing

I'm still bored and at school, but I was thinking about something.

In this time of century it's very comment to say 'I love you' to like... everybody. I really don't understand, because a couple of years ago it wasn't that normal to say that. It meant something back than. Now it doesn't have the same meaning. Now it just means: 'I really like you'.

Love is not love anymore. 'Love' became 'like'. I have to get used to it, cause everybody does it except me, I guess. But where did the real love go? I mean, sometimes I see that the words 'I love you' are written as short as possible. And 'never wanna lose you' became 'nwly'. What's up with that?

Words don't mean a thing anymore. When you say I love you, they may even say just 'ok, you to' back. I hate it. How can you know when someone really loves you? When he/she really means it?

"Love"

Bye Bye,

Ing

Today I had to wake up at 7 o'clock and that sucks.. Now (10 o'clock) I'm at school and nothing to do because my lazy friends coudn't come out of bed on time ;) But doesn't matter, I have a PC here.

Today I thought about how some people (most of the time women) listen to what you say, but hear whole other things. Unfortunally, sometimes I'm one of them.. I gotta say, it's no fun. However it doesn't happen a lot (thank god), but sometimes I can make my own conclusions, when I don't even can prove that it's true.

It's really weird, but most of all it sucks cause I get fights because of it! And I don't blame them. They are right, if I don't have the facts, I don't know what's the deal with it. I said to myself that I coudn't do that anymore.

I know this isn't that interesting, but I had some 'drama' with it. Of course I understand. I try to cut it out. Don't worry ;)

Bye,

Ing

Today I went to Rotterdam with my good friend Colin, to do a little shopping. It was fun! But when I got home I felt like shit, but that doesn't matter I guess.. Most of the day I had a great time :)

I thought about: is it possible to have a (good) friendschip with an ex-boy/girlfriend? You hear it all the time: "we broke up, but we'll stay good friends!" Of course that's what you want. But does and will it work?

When you break up, the other one doesn't always agree. Maybe he/she doesn't look like it, but what if it is.. I guess it doesn't work to stay friends in this situation. The other person may still have feelings. You never know untill he/she tells you.

There can be another reason: you can get irritated by everything he/she does. All of a sudden you see the bad things in a person more and more. Of course there can be a thousand reasons, but I just thought of this two.

My experience is that I can't stay friends with them. Maybe it's because I still had feelings for him, or with others I just can't stand them anymore ("what did I ever see in him?"). But maybe there comes a day that that will change.

Well, this was enough for today.

Picture later..

Bye,

Ing

When the day passed, I wondered again. But now it was about something else.

The cliché thing to say is that looks don't matter. Ofcourse that's not true. The first thing you see from someone, is they're looks. How they walk, talk, dress etc. But how important is it? If your looks are awfull, do you still have a chance to get married some day?

Of course you do. There's always somebody for someone. But why are some 'not-so-good-looking' poeple so sad and afraid that nobody will ever love them? The looks makes them insecure, that's what makes themselfs less charming. If you don't have the confidence, you look less charming than when you have a lot of confidence.

So, I think that when people who are 'not-so-good-looking' just don't worry anymore about they're looks, that the chance is so much bigger that they are getting a boy/girlfriend. Who you are, says alot more than what you look like.

Now I'm asking myself: it takes a lot of time to get to know poeple, but would you take that time to get to know a 'not-so-good-looking' person, when nothing attracts you to him/her? If the first impression of someone isn't that good, would you still have the patience to get to know them?

It's just because this kind of person isn't that happy and outgoing (cause of the looks maybe), that you don't like them at first sight. They look like they are not interesting. But maybe they are. I guess that everybody knows this kind of person, or maybe you are one. Just think about it: you never know what is behind a persons look and what's going on in they're brains.

Of course it's reversible. The 'good-looking' people, may look great, but of course there's a chance that they're not. Like in the movie: the pretty ones are dumb, and the ugly ones are super smart. What's the deal with that? Who came up with that?

What a bullshit! You're not smarter when you wear glasses, you're not dumber when you are blonde or super good looking. If you're 'not-so-good-looking' and you watch a movie like that, what will it do with you? I guess that it hasn't good impacts on them, right?

Well, I guess I've had enough written down. Do me a favor: just don't judge a book by it's cover ;)

Bye,

Ing

you know what I mean? ;)