FUCK what a day! It's the 6th day that I can't do something! It's driving me crazy as hell!!

Fortunally, it's going better, but still it hurts.

Anyway, I was thinking.. If you have a fight with a good friend, how long should you wait to make it up? Or better: how long should you wait till the other one says something?

If you're not speaking to eachother, should you apoligise, eve though you know you didn't do anything? Or wait till the other one says sorry? I never knew that. Maybe it's better to wait, if you can.

But what about when you're having your 27953'st fight, you break the contact, and it fails? The contact can't be broken. It looks like it's impossible. But you know that when you get back together, it won't work. There will be big fights again. What should you do?

I never really knew what I had to do when I was in this kind of situations. And it seems like I'm not getting further.

Bye,

Ing

And another day passed. Today was a fine day, I had a good sleep and around 11 AM another friend came to viset me. So sweet. Later that day, when he already left, I went to a store (praxis) with my mom. Just to get some fresh air and to get out of the house.

It was weird, to go out when you're 5 days inside. But whatever. I walked like a snail (that slow), compairing to how 'fast' I'm walking when I'm fine. However, it went okay.. kinda..

But I finally found something to write about, instaid of this crap about myself. It's about this:

Falling in love with someone who's in a relationship. Is it stupid to do that or is there a chance? When he/she has a relationship for like 1 or 2 months, should you step back and let them have a relationship, or should you tell him/her how I feel?

Just to be clear: I'm not in this situation right now, but I just wondered.

So, I guess when that person is in a relationship for 1 or 2 months, it's okay to tell him/her how you feel. But what about a long-term relationship? Like 1 year or longer. I think you shoudn't do that. That person probably is in a great relationship, because it already lasted that long. You shouldn't be in the way. Just shut your mouth about your feelings, they will go away.

But is that really the right thing to do in a situation like that? Maybe it isn't. Thank God I'm nog talking about myself.

Kiss,

Ing

Another day passed. Still lying on the sofa all f*cking day long.

Fortunally another friend came to viset me. It always chears me up. Around 8 PM I had to take a little walk. Well, I can say it did hurt like shit. But what's new. I'm not writing here to complain.

It's just that I have nothing to do these days. I changed the layout of this blog, it took me like an hour today. So not that much..

I looked on the internet for Azuzephre stuff. I found like 70 drawings. Here are some of them:

Cute huh?

Kiss Kiss,

Ing

Today I had three good friends that visited me. They're so sweet. They gave me beautiful flowers, a wonderful card and m&m's.

I was really bored today, so it was great that they came by. I didn't do much more today, cause I just can't.

So pretty

Kiss,

Ing

Yesterday (monday) I had an operation, but I'll leave the details out. In short: it hurts like hell.

I can't do anything for this whole week, and that sucks because it's my vacation. Fortunally I have awsome friends, who viset and support me in every way. I'm really thankful I have them as my good friends. They're great.

Unfortunally I can't stop thinking about the pain, I guess because it's always there. I'm watching all day Friends. That rocks and it seems as if time goes faster, but still I feel the pain.

I really don't like it to think about myself so much. But in this situation I can't do anything else. It hurts so bad, but I hate to look selfish. I really don't mean to. Also it's my first operation ever, so I didn't know what to expect.

Now I feel like I've talked too much about myself. But I don't have some kind of story or anything else to talk or think about, so this is what I'm writing. However, I think I'm going to put my laptop down, because it isn't that comfortable, sitting with a laptop on your lap, plus having pain and stuff.

Bye,

Ing

So, I know I didn't write here for a long time, but I was really busy. Doesn't matter I guess.

I thought last night about when a person lies. I mean, if you have a secret for someone, and that person asks that question where the anwser is your secret, than what is the best thing you can do? Should you lie, because you can't tell him/her, or should you just tell it?

Maybe the best thing in this situation is to lie. Or maybe not? I never lie! So why should I lie this time?

Dilemma

Kiss,

Ing

Tomorrow it's valentine's day. I really hate it. And not just because I don't have a boyfriend, and not just because I want a boyfriend, and not just because I expect gifts and stuff. Just because it's pathetic.

I'll tell you why I think it's pathetic. You see... when you have a partner, you know how much you love eachother. You can let your partner know, every single day of the year. Not just on 14th february.

I think it's a waste of your money to buy gifts or cards or something. Maybe when you have a secret admirer it's fun to know and stuff... But when you're in a relationship I think it's bullshit to do something that day.

...

Kiss,

Ing

Today I talked to my best friend Bas about my blog. He will read it every time I ask him to. He's always very honest about it, and I really apreciate that.

But today he said that I should use the word 'wondering' less. So, I'm gonna do that. Because of him. However.. I think that it doesn't matter, but just so you know: I'm not gonna use the word 'wondering' anymore.

I guess that it makes him really happy ;). Doesn't it honey?

Love,

Ing

I know I didn't write for a while (like 5 days or something), but I was kind of busy with school and stuff. So that's what I did the last 5 days. Nothing interesting to tell actually about that...

And again I wondered about things in live. This time it was about personal problems. Sometimes when nothing goes right or nothing goes the way you want it to go, it feels like your world is tearing down. I guess everybody knows that feeling.

When we have personal problems, everything is bigger than it seems. Everybody is mean, everybody sucks, nobody cares ect. ect. You start to get angry at your friend and family. But they (maybe) don't know what's really going on in your life. It may be more than they think and they start to think: "what the fuck did I do wrong?"

That's why I think it's good to talk to people about the things that bother you. Because if you have a break down, they know it's not falling out of the sky.

Most people with a personal problem, take things you say in a different way that you mean it. For instant: today there was a 'friend' of mine, and he had a problem that made him feel sad. So I asked "what's going on?". Maybe I could help him, you know? But unfortunally he didn't say what was bothering him. He got really mad at me (for other reasons too, but that wasn't the issue at that moment). That made me feel like shit, because I thought I was doing the right thing. Maybe not huh?

Now I was the person who thought: "what the fuck did I do wrong?". That's the shitty thing here (what I mentioned before). The people with personal problems take things in a different (negative) way. And you can get a fight or something. Conclusion: that sucks

Things on your mind

Bye,

Ing

Woohoo! Back at home! I did my homework (how great is that), I did the things I had to do, so I'm done for today. Now I can relax :D I LOVVVVVEE relaxing ;) lol

So I sat in the train, and what do you know? I was wondering again. This time about 'the fake world'. There's a part in this world that is so fake, but some people just don't see it (fortunally most of them do).

I think it's like this (for example): 'beauty' isn't real, you think that 'beauty' is what you see on television, in magazines, on posters etc etc. And about the tv, everything that you see can be fake! Most of the time it is fake. Espacially; the fake people.

What you see on tv and in magazines is not what real people look like (you knew that right;)). Of course YOU know that, but what about the kids? They see that fake people every day on tv. What do they think? What a dissapointment if they see the real people (half) naked! You get my point? ;)

Not only the other real people, but of course you think about yourself that you are different than 'normal' people. Thank god that's not true. You (as a child) are normal, but the people on tv are fake as hell! Why don't they just show normal people on that damn tv? Like in the commercials, that's the most fake tv there is (but everybody knows that right?).

Can't they just make it real? Poor little children :P


lol :)

Bye,

Ing